


truest happiness

by sydneygremlins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Episode AU: s15e18 Despair, Reunion, The Empty (Supernatural), dean saves cas, i wrote most of this listening to mother mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 13:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydneygremlins/pseuds/sydneygremlins
Summary: Some indeterminate amount of space away, Dean thinks he sees him — a tiny figure, with a barely distinguishable mess of hair. He keeps walking on the nonexistent ground without looking down — he already figured out that that makes him dizzy.Space travels weirdly here. A few steps bring Cas’ figure into a few yards of distance, then it takes double just to cross a few feet. He hurries up a bit, ignoring the unsettling lack of footsteps, and races towards Cas, calling out as he does. “Cas!”[Or: Dean saves Cas.]
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 80





	truest happiness

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for clicking! i hope you enjoy :)

Some indeterminate amount of space away, Dean thinks he sees him — a tiny figure, with a barely distinguishable mess of hair. He keeps walking on the nonexistent ground without looking down — he already figured out that that makes him dizzy.

Space travels weirdly here. A few steps bring Cas’ figure into a few yards of distance, then it takes double just to cross a few feet. He hurries up a bit, ignoring the unsettling lack of footsteps, and races towards Cas, calling out as he does. “Cas!”

Cas turns immediately, and Dean’s first thought is he looks  _ wrong _ . There are deep bags under his eyes, his brow is pinched, and his posture slumped. There’s something deeply off-putting about seeing Cas like this — beat down and resigned. Cas is never like this. He’s always ready to get up again, ready to fight, but there is no glint in his eyes, no sign that he’s got any of his old vigour. He’s practically fading into the black void behind him. It twists Dean’s gut painfully.

Dean slows as he reaches a few feet in front of him. 

“Hey,” he says, his voice cracking a bit, just as Cas says  —

“ —  Don’t.”

Dean pauses for a second, wondering if Cas will continue, but then he just turns away again and stares off into the nothingness. He’s unsettlingly quiet. 

“Cas?” Dean asks, tilting his head a bit, adjusting his stance on the not–ground.

Cas’ words are clipped, and Dean can hear the scowl in them even though Cas isn’t facing him. 

“Don’t call me that.”

Dean laughs a little uncomfortably — he’s always called Cas that. Why’s he so moody? “What’s gotten into you, buddy?” he asks gently. “It’s me.

“No it’s not,” Cas says forcefully, still looking resolutely away. 

Dean steps around him, carefully picking out his steps so as not to bump into him. Not yet. He needs to be willing for it to work, for the spell to take them back. “Hey,” he says softly. “Why won’t you believe me?”

Cas snaps and meets his eyes, his voice raised to a decibel that he rarely levels at Dean. “Because you’re not  _ him! _ You’re just playing with me again. Stop it.”

Dean shrinks back. “I… what?”

Cas doesn’t even frown. He just looks so, so tired, his clear gaze boring into Dean’s. “I fulfilled our deal. Leave me alone. Just let me sleep.” Then he turns away again, leaving Dean to stare at the back of his head.

“Cas…” Dean starts, but Cas twitches. “Castiel,” he amends with a wince. It doesn’t feel right. “I — I’m not playing with you. I swear. It’s me.”

Cas groans, eyes still closed. “That’s what you say every time. It’s not  _ possible  _ for you to be real. Not even Jack can get me out of here.”

“Jack hasn’t figured out his powers just yet. But Sammy ‘nd I found a spell. I can only be here for a little while, man. Please, just… please believe me.” Dean’s half begging him by the end, but he doesn’t fucking care. Cas just looks so fucking sad here. “Please come with me.”

Cas sighs, loudly. “You’re not real.”

An idea occurs to Dean. It’s risky if he doesn’t word it right, but he goes for it anyway. “If I’m not real, then you can tell me about — about your feelings for the real me.”

“Fuck you,” Cas says, so matter–of–factly that it sends Dean reeling. His eyes are still closed. 

“Dude,” Dean says, desperately.

Again, long–sufferingly, Cas sighs. “If you’ll leave me alone after.”

“Sure.” Dean doesn’t mean it, but that goes without saying. He’d never leave Cas here. He can’t. Not after everything.

“I love him.” Castiel’s tone is matter of fact again, to a disarming extent. “I loved all of them, but he was different  —  _ i _ _ s _ different. But you know that. He’s why I’m here.”

Dean feels a bit stupid, staring wide–eyed, but Cas can’t see him, so he makes no effort to stop himself. 

Cas’ tone starts almost sardonic, but it quickly loses that, and he sounds almost dreamy, peaceful. “He is… He is everything. He is my home. He is the first human I truly met, and I love him for it. He’s beautiful, even with all his imperfections  —  _ b _ _ ecause  _ of his imperfections. I feel… Right now, without him, I feel lost, even though I have served my purpose, and I know he is living his own life to the fullest without me.”

Dean’s heart sinks. “No, I wasn’t,” he cuts in.

Cas turns now, eyes open, and he frowns. “What?”

There’s a wave of feelings racing to pour from his mouth, and Dean tries to contain them, but then they tumble out, faster and faster, regardless of his attempts. “I wasn’t living my life ‘to the fullest’ or anything without you, man. It fucking sucked. I missed you — I  _ miss  _ you — so much. I kept drinkin’ and locking myself away an’ I could barely function. I lost everyone, and the one person who I need the most and who is always there just — you just — you fucking said you loved me, ‘n then you  _ left. _ You have any clue how that felt? On my end?” He’s breathing heavily by the time he’s done, clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides.

Now Cas is the one staring, wide–eyed. “I —” he starts, then shakes his head violently. “No. You’re not real.”

Dean reaches out, a hand on Cas’ arm. “Yeah, I am.”

Every single muscle in Cas’ semi–existent vessel tenses under Dean’s touch. He can almost feel a warmth through the fabric of his sleeve, though maybe he’s imagining it

Cas stares like a deer caught in the headlights, his mouth slightly parted, lip trembling.

“Hey,” Dean says low in his throat. He steps closer, until they’re mere inches apart. He can feel Cas’ breath. He reaches up with his spare hand, sliding it up to meet the crook of Cas’ neck, gently rough with stubble. “Cas.” Dean moves his hand to the back of Cas’ neck, tangles his fingers with dark hair. 

Cas relaxes into his touch, and makes a sound of want; a half–moan, half–sigh. 

Like he’s wanted to do for far too many years, like he finally  _ can _ , Dean leans forward just that little bit, and presses his lips against Cas’ gently as he orients himself with the feeling like flying in his chest. Cas mumbles something indistinct against the side of Dean’s mouth. Dean breaks away, still holding Cas, half to steady himself on the sensation.

“What was that?” he murmurs.

“Let’s go home,” Cas says into Dean’s neck, where he is nosing around. Dean melts into it, feeling goosebumps break out all over where Cas is touching. 

“Yeah.”

And just like that, the Empty melts away, the blackness replaced with the shadowed brick walls of the basement, and — Sam.

“You guys made it — oh. I’ll, uh,” Sam’s joyful exclamation drops away as he makes that weird noise of his, “uh... go. See you,” he says, dragging out the vowels as he flees the room.

Cas laughs against Dean’s throat. Dean grins even wider when hands reach the back of his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments & kudos are much appreciated! 
> 
> i also have other deancas works up on my account, so feel free to check those out :3


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